The Irony Of It All
by Mandy Snape
Summary: Hermione has a secret desire which she is sure is not returned, but unknowingly, he desires her back more than ever. Please Read and Review! SS/HG


Disclaimer: You know, half the time I wonder why any of us authors here ever write a disclaimer in the first place. Who out there is going to think that I am the brilliant, talented, and ingenious JK Rowling? Well, I guess it's just one of those things that has to be done. I own nadda! Zip! Nothing! AND I don't make any money; this is just the works of a teenager at midnight. (who is also eating Spicier Nacho Doritos to keep awake) 

A/N: This is the first angst story I have ever tried writing and only the second fic I've ever written. Please leave a review and if you have any constructive criticism, I'll be glad to read it. 

"Do you want the rest of that bread pudding, 'Mione?" Ron was consuming his food like always at the Gryffindor table at lunch right before the next lesson. "'Mione?" he asked again. 

"Huh? What? Oh no, Ron, you can have it," said Hermione with a sort of far off look to her that had only recently developed. She was thinking hard about something; something forbidden; something she hadn't even told or would ever tell her two closest friends, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter. Hermione was very used to always knowing the answers to any question ever asked out of a text book, but now her head was confused with questions she couldn't even begin to answer; she was not her usual self...

"Hermione? You coming?" 

"What?"

"The bell just rang, didn't you hear it?" Harry was asking her, wearing a concerned look for she normally liked to be to class at least ten minutes early just to have a good seat. 

"I'm coming," she said. "What lesson have we got next?"

Again, Harry was concerned because she usually had the class schedules completely memorized by heart, and he and Ron were the ones regularly asking her what they had next. "Potions," he replied simply, trying to keep his thoughts hidden.

Potions...thought Hermione...please gods, don't make me sit through Potions one more time...

Hermione, Harry, and Ron arrived at the dungeon door, which allowed them to enter into the Potions classroom. They took their seats at the back table as always, wanting to be as far away from Professor Snape as they possibly could. 

"Are you sure you're okay, Hermione," asked Harry aloud this time? 

"I'm fine," she said, rather unconvincingly while opening up her scroll of parchment and getting out an old bottle of ink and a quill, no doubt, preparing to take notes. Seeing Hermione do this, Ron and Harry followed. 

"You seem to be in a sort of daze," said Ron, finally speaking out. 

"I'm just the same as I always am and I'd be a lot better if you two would just stop asking me if I'm okay every five minutes!" Hermione snapped, haughtily. At that, Harry and Ron decided to stop conversation with her, but it wouldn't have mattered if they'd decided or not, because in a moment, they would have no choice. 

Professor Snape came bounding into the dungeon in his usual fashion, letting his cloak billow behind him. He approached the front of the class and began his lecture for the day, all the while, in the back of the room, Hermione sat, looking at the ingredients Snape was writing up on the board. Everyone in the classroom began taking notes. Everyone, except for Hermione. Her mind was not on potions, but on the Master. This was her secret that she kept locked away, never daring to mention it aloud. She watched his long fingers continuing to write on the blackboard, entranced by his very movement. 

Hermione had, not upon her own free will, developed a sort of lust for Snape. She discarded it at first as a school girl crush, which eventually grew into a longing. She longed for someone to understand her, for someone to be with. Only she had expected it to be someone like Ron or Harry. Certainly she had never thought that it would be her Professor. And for someone like Hermione, the loneliness was starting to take her over. 

Hermione had never had a boyfriend or anyone whom she could be intimate and share something in common with. She was alone. As alone as she had ever been. She had been desperate to have someone, anyone, but she had not predicted that Snape would be her anyone. Why couldn't it work? Why not? She was now in her seventh and final year. Why wouldn't he see her as the woman she was becoming? No. He is the Professor. I am the student...she thought. That's crossing a line that should never be crossed. But soon you will be out of school and he will no longer be your Professor...said a little voice in the back of her head. No. I can not. 

She sat and stared at him yelling at Neville for not knowing the answer to a question. Oh how she could sit all day and watch him exercise his power. The power that drew her to him. He was probably the only person in Hogwarts who understood the need for knowledge. The necessity of information and facts on which to base it on. The mystery aura he carried around with him was also very appealing. It was something Hermione didn't have, but would give anything for. But why? Why did it have to be **_him_**? The most hated person throughout the whole school. That didn't matter. She wanted to be with him, to tell him everything she had ever wanted to tell anyone. But it wasn't possible. There wasn't a holy force powerful enough to bring him to her...

"Miss Granger?" 

"Hmm? What? Oh!" Hermione was completely startled. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she didn't see Snape come right over and stare down at her over his hooked nose. 

"I'm sorry if I interrupted you, Miss Granger, but, if you don't mind, I have a class that I am obligated to teach. You staring off into space means that you are not learning anything that I am teaching, hence the problem," Snape said slyly. The Slytherins cast her dirty looks from behind Snape's back. 

"I'm sorry, Professor," she responded, looking up into his never-ending black eyes.

"Ten points from Gryffindor. Now get to work on today's potion. I will be calling you to my office at the end of class to see if you've prepared it correctly, and only when you've concocted a true shriveling potion will I allow you to leave," retorted Snape. He then turned around and marched back to the front of the class at his desk, where he sat down and began to write. 

Those black eyes looking straight into mine...Hermione thought. She couldn't stand the class much longer. It was becoming torture to be around him, even when she was getting in trouble. Although, she admitted to herself, that she wasn't actually sorry because it gave her the exchange of dialogue with Snape. She decided at that moment how utterly stupid she was being. There was no chance she could ever be with him, and that was that. She got to work on her potion, trying to forget about Snape, so she could get out of this class and move on with her life. But forgetting about him is no easy task, especially when he is on your mind every second...

Every second.... he thought.... I need a good memory charm, that's what I need. No, I need a visit to St. Mungo's. What the hell are you thinking? What could possess your mind enough to let this take over? These thoughts are not right. How could there be anyone for me? That's easy. There isn't anyone. There is no one...

Severus Snape sat at his desk, pretending to write something. The students were now at work preparing and making the potion that he had just assigned to them. It got them off his hands for a moment where he could just sit and think at his desk. He knew he would not be disturbed. Who would come and ask Professor Snape for help? Mentally, Severus was reprimanding himself. He had been thinking about her again...what else was there to think about. 

It had been years since Severus had anyone to converse with on a private level. After all, who would want to in the first place? Severus often put himself down without knowing any facts to base them on other than outward reactions to his bitterness. No one would ever look any deeper than that. He prided himself on how well he was able to handle himself when it came to the opposite sex, and had never had any problems...until now. He had allowed himself to develop an infatuation with a girl. No. Not a girl, a young woman. No. That makes no difference he told himself. She is my pupil and I am her teacher. There lies within that relationship a line that must never be crossed, no matter what the circumstances. 

But she is everything I've ever hoped for. I could never ask for anyone greater. Then a voice within his head replied...No, you couldn't. But she could. She has the world going for her and a bright future to look forward to, one that does not hold you within its prospect. Out of everyone, why did it have to be **_her_**? 

Hermione.........No! It is Miss Granger. 

He looked up and surveyed the classroom, but particularly watched Hermione. She was looking rather nervous, very unlike herself. That confidence was something he loved and he hated to see it missing from the person that he cared about. She looked so delicate and fragile. But behind that he knew that she shared the same knowledge as he did. One more thing to torture himself about. He couldn't think about this any longer. 

"You all should be done by now. I will call you into my office one at a time where I will inspect your potion. If it is not sufficient, then you will redo it in detention with me," said Snape, trying to forget what he had just been thinking about. He went into his office, sat down at his desk, and called in the first person. Snape went through all the Slytherin's which he did not have to assign a single detention. He then started with the Gryffindor's and assigned several punishments for sloppy work. Whether consciously or not, he went through everyone until Hermione was the last. 

"Miss Granger," called Snape. 

Hermione got up and took a phial of her potion with her towards Snape's office. She was very apprehensive because of her secret desire and she didn't know what she'd do with him now that she would be alone with him in his office. 

Severus watched as she came into his office. She was moving very uneasily with the phial. She handed it to him where their fingers slightly brushed, but each, not knowing the other's yearning, tried to ignore and suppress their reactions. 

Severus poured the liquid from the phial onto a flobberworm that was being used for the testing. To his and Hermione's great surprise, nothing happened. For the first time, 

Hermione had failed at making a potion. She took a half step back, waiting to be scolded for her failure. 

Severus looked upon the face of Hermione, and into her brown eyes. He couldn't give her detention. He should by all right's, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Giving her detention would just make her be even closer to him, and he could not handle that type of temptation. He was sure she did not want to spend any time with him anyhow, and for the first time in his life, he let a Gryffindor get off.

"Well?" asked Hermione, startling Severus.

"Well what, Miss Granger?" 

"Aren't you going to give me detention?" 

"Seeing as how the flobberworm did not react to your potion, you should be punished. However," Severus paused and saw a glinting light in Hermione's eyes, "This flobberworm has been overused during today's potion testing. Knowing that you normally create accurate potions is enough to tell me that the fault lies within the flobberworm, and not you. You may go now." 

Hermione stood there, shocked at what she was hearing. Was Severus Snape really letting her off the hook? 

"Well? What are you waiting for? You are dismissed." said Snape hoping that she would turn around and run out of the room to leave him in his misery. Instead she stood there for just a few more seconds, and then did something that put Severus into agony. She smiled at him. Then she turned around and walked moderately out of his office. 

That smile...he thought...why? Why must she make me suffer even more? 

That voice...thought Hermione as she walked out of his classroom. Why did it have to be so smooth in letting me off when we both know full and well that I didn't have that potion right. That act from Snape made her pine for him even more than she had before. But then she told herself, "No! This is something that is not meant to be shared and is certainly not reciprocated."

Severus sat alone in his office once more. This issue needs to be dealt with and soon. There is no reason to carry this on inside your head. There is no possible way that she feels the same towards me. 

And in unison, they thought to themselves, If Only...


End file.
